Ever been in a relationship that required more than what you were given? Ever felt like love just isn’t enough to keep you bound in that situation? I think we’ve all been there. In your early twenties most women get in relationships with boys, not men. Boys in their twenties are not mentally prepared for a relationship like women are. Women want someone who is going to treat her like a queen, show her off as a prized possession, cater to her needs, satisfy her cravings, and be her best-friend. On the flip side, contrary to Cyndi Lauper’s 1983 hit Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, boys just want to have fun. Boys like to enjoy the ride and add more names to their list of I had her’s. In the midst of this boys still ‘commit’ to a relationship while still out secretly having fun with Shamika, Kiesha, and Tara (Freek-a-Leek).
Those secret escapades don’t stay a secret long. Women always find out! Whether its through social media, going through a guys phone, or the Freek-a-Leek being bold enough to confront you. At this point you have already fallen in love with this little boy. So now what do you do? Do you immediately cut him off? Of course not, you’re in love so you feel like you have to continue to prove a point to all the Freek-a-Leeks in the world that he is yours and its nothing they can do about it. Then the cycle continues. You find out about a new girl he’s messing with everyday and it all becomes an emotional roller-coaster but you are too deep in love to get off the ride.
Often times women never get off the ride. We stay and continue to be beaten down emotionally and spiritually. Our minds are telling us that we deserve more but our hearts are too attached that we think it will hurt if we let go. Sometimes we have the mindset, “I’d rather be in a relationship than be alone” but is it really worth it? Women stay in broken sub-par relationships for years and it does nothing but lower our self-esteem.
I was involved with someone who made me feel like I was asking for too much. Something as small as spending my birthday with that person, going to the movies, going to eat, or even going on a real date. I would request all of these things and got the generic, “we’ll see” response in return. For years I would dumb down my request to just see if I could hit the nail on the head at least once and be treated like I should. I struck out for 5 years, and you only get 3 strikes in baseball and in the court system for that matter. Day after day, year after year, kept receiving the “we’ll see” and sometimes didn’t get the respect to have a word uttered to acknowledge the fact that I even asked a question. I eventually gave up asking for the things I knew I deserved and settled for what I could get. We spent most of our time in the house which lead to us scratching each others itches (if you know what I mean) every time. It all became kind of routine. Although, getting your itch scratched is an important part of a relationship its not enough. I wanted more substance, more memories, more butterflies, I wanted it all but I settled and this relationship/situationship it began to feel like dead weight.
So when do we decide enough is enough? If you feel like you have to prove you are in a relationship with someone, you are with the wrong person. If have a feeling that you deserve more than what you are given in a relationship, then it is okay to let go. Women love hard and we try to fight for our relationships even if they aren’t worth fighting for. All the tears we shed and all the pain we go through just because we are in love. What we must remember is love isn’t painful. As women we need to have more love and respect for ourselves than to continue to deal with a boy who doesn’t give you the respect that you deserve. Self-love is key! Love yourself more and stop allowing something or someone to continue to disrespect you. Love yourself more to not settle for less than what you deserve. Once you recognize you are worth much more it is so much easier to move on.
Imagine the love that you want to feel and the ideal relationship you would like to have. It is out there somewhere. You first have to let go of the dead weight. You will be okay and you will soon realize that holding on was hurting you more than it was helping you. By holding on, you look over all of the other good MEN who come your way and who wants to treat you in the ways you deserve. Once you finally cut that boy off *Rich Homie Quan voice* and allow a good man to treat you how you need to be treated, you will then see everything that was wrong in your previous relationships with people who weren’t worth the headache.